"Comin' Up On Your Left!!!"

...that's what scared the crap out of me and Jack as we were walking along Kelly Drive. Damn...some of those bikers are pretty aggressive! Struggled this morning...not only with getting out of bed (awake for a couple of hours, but just tossed and turned) but also with some depression & anxiety. But that soon propelled me into action...did some wash, bled my radiators, helped mom get 4,000 boxes of Christmas decorations out of the shed, worked out (hard) at the gym, and then walked along the drive. I had a really good talk with a friend tonight about my situation. I need 'my peeps' to talk to, because left to myself and the shit that goes on in my head, I'm a mess. Sometimes it feels like my thoughts are like a bunch of ping pong balls going back and forth up there...so it really helps to have people I trust give me advice. It also helps when I remember that it wasn't too long ago that I was sitting in a jail cell, jobless, car-less, hopeless. Remembering that and the bit of progress I've made helps me to be grateful, for there is so very much I have to be grateful for today.

Old Friends, New Friends...

My weekend is certainly ending MUCH better than it began (other than my fantastic time with Kieran and Grant Friday in the Yunk). Didn't do too much yesterday...longer and harder workout at gym (ouchie today), a bit of shopping and Lambert family time with my friend Krysta, and then watched a blah movie. Today was great though...I went to my friend Kevin's home in DE to celebrate his daughter Shay's 2nd birthday with some old friends. LOTS of kids were there, and a few mom's are expecting as well. I think I was one of perhaps three single and baby-less people there. It was so nice to be there though, and to be counted as a friend among so many fantastic people. It's also nice to know that I have such wonderful people in my life after about 15 years of friendship...these are really good people with great families and adorable kids. Then I picked Jack up and we hung out at Eric's place to watch the Eagles game; I met some new friends (including Chase the boxer!) and really enjoyed my time there.
I need to start thinking about my plan for the weeks/months ahead...but I'll need some coffee...ALOT of coffee first...

Life Challenges, Man...

I got a letter from my niece letting me know that, once again, she's 'left' the program she was in. I cannot express out angry and heartbroken I am. Thank God I've got a program and amazing people to help me deal. I really let her have it (once I tracked her down)...probably should've talked to someone before calling her, but it's too late now. I told her I loved her, but she was gonna hear it...maybe something actually sunk in though, but who the hell knows with that kid!
Otherwise, life is good. Thanksgiving was so, so, so much fun! I really enjoy spending time with my family! Have you ever played Catch Phrase? It's hilarious, just hilarious! Really brings out the competitive side of us all!
Got some cleaning and shopping done today...and spent some real quality time with my sister and her hubby in Manayunk. These are the moments that I truly cherish...the time spent with the people I love. I have to remember that every day is a gift...and that life can change in an instant. I'd much rather spend my time in the presence of my family and friends than anything else...
What can I say...I'm just a big mush-pot...

Scaredy Kat...

Howdy. Sitting here digesting my lunch before I attempt to bake cookies. I stopped by my parents' after the gym/supermarket (again!) and got a little emotional while we were talking about my current situation. I get upset thinking about all of the years I 'wasted' when I graduated from Temple...because I took a full time job at Clover (a discount retailer). That was the easy choice and I was pretty lost those days (post Bob, no confidence, etc.). Anyhoo...my mom mentioned that I was afraid 'of everything' when I was younger. I don't remember this, but evidently I had the opportunity to go to Europe in high school but refused.  I do, however, remember choosing Temple (over 6 other schools to which I had also been accepted and 3 scholarship offers) because it was the least expensive and easiest/closet option. Fear...it's a bitch. Unrecognized and unchallenged, it will wreak havoc on our lives...it certainly has with mine. Fear informs so many decisions. So for this phase of my life, I do not want to let fear have any say in what I do. 
I still don't know what I'm going to do, but for now, I'm not afraid...because I know I'll be ok.
Question is...can I bake??  :-)

Free Turkey??!!

You'd think I won the lottery when the cashier at Shoprite said "you're eligible for a free turkey." Wide-eyed and with a huge smile, I looked around saying "free turkey? FREE TURKEY?" - like I'd know how to cook it anyway...LOL! I actually have a few choices so we're safe!
Had some big trouble getting my ass out of bed this am...I think I have morning depression or something. It's not like I'm tired (sore, maybe, but not tired), but dragging myself out of bed is a real challenge. And then I get mad at myself. How the heck can I break this cycle?? I'll just have to keep asking HP to help me with it. Once I was up and going it was a pretty good/productive day. Good conversation with a great friend, gym, supermarket, dentist, picked up prescriptions (before insurance runs out), picked up a movie too...then took Jack for another long walk and had a bite with Eric...good times. Put a bunch of clothes away and now I'm doing wash...I think I'm making up for my morning lazyness!
Watched "The Road" last night...very dark film but well acted. Tonight will be a lighter themed viewing!
Have alot to do tomorrow so I'm hoping that will motivate me to get up earlier. I'm really looking forward to spending time with my family on Thursday (although my brother and his family won't be there...boo). I hope y'all have nice plans for Thanksgiving...and that we all remember how much we have to be grateful for.
:-)

Catch Up...

I really have to get used to keeping up with this...gonna have to get myself into the habit of writing faithfully, mostly for myself so that I can track my progress (if any) throughout this new phase. I'm bummed I didn't get to check out Scot Sax at The Grape Room Saturday night, but I ran out of steam, man. What the...? I'm not old (at least I don't think I am!). Anyway, Sunday was nicer than I thought it would be (bridal shower...almost 4 hours...was really not  looking foward to it...hate those things...won't subject my friends or family to one if I EVER get married...). However, I was sitting with Kieran, Mom, and the 'friends' and we laughed our asses off! They are really, really funny and great girls. Hung with a new friend afterwards for a while...we're really hitting it off and I much enjoy her company. Didn't do much else...went into hybernation mode. I really dislike the cold/early dark days...it will be a challenge for me to stay cheery and productive, but life is about overcoming challenges, right?
It's my 2nd 'unemployed' Monday, and I'm still feeling pretty flippin' excited about it. Hung out with Mom & Kieran at the outlets (off of 422) for a few hours and even managed to find 3 stylin' pairs of shoes for under $40 (I've got the shopping/deal-finding gene from Terri!). Don't worry folks, I bought a Christmas present as well. Got to see Dad before we went, which was a really nice surprise.
I've been thinking about the conversation I'm going to have to have with him about where I'm at and why I'm not scrambling to find another job right away. I'm worried because I love him and respect him so, so much and I don't want him to be disappointed in me (I've managed enough of that throughout my lifetime). But I really want to stick to my guns this time and follow my gut/heart.
I have a couple of very dear friends that are going through tough times, so I hope that this free time will allow me to really be there for them...I don't like when my friends hurt...it hurts my heart.
Ok, off to St. Johns...chat with you soon.  :-)  Kat

Good Times...

Erin didn't realize that I'm a singer...and she asked if that may possibly be in my future as I'm looking for my 'career change.' Hhhmmm...wouldn't that be a dream come true! Stayed in bed late today (shocker) but then made the most out of it...coffee and a walk with Greg (and Jack); attended my nephew Owen's last soccer game (and witnessed his amazing save during his stint as goalie!); went to a great meeting in the city and ate some rockin' food...and laughed my a$$ of with friends! Was gonna catch a gig at The Grape Room afterwards, but decided I'd had a full enough day, so I'm chillin' at home now in my pjs (yay!) watching "It's Always Sunny..." - what a fab show. Gonna go to bed a very happy, grateful little girl...

TGIF!

So...I have a problem...and that's getting my a$$ out of bed. This has been an issue for a while, but when I was working I kinda HAD to get up...and hated it. It wasn't necessarily that I hadn't gotten enough sleep...it was just putting my 2 feet on the ground and moving foward. I do have some back and neck issues which have contributed to this problem as well. So with THAT said, I didn't get up until about 9:15 (late for having gone to bed at 11-ish!). Once I got up the day began to improve...coffee and a good conversation with a dear, dear friend; got some work loose-ends taken care of; took Jack for another long walk; ran a few errands; went to the gym, etc.
And now that I'm clean, I'm going to spend a bit of time with some of my closest friends before heading to a local joint to check out my friend Ken's band, Doc Hollywood. My friend Susan is joining me (and she knows about me and my friend Bill), so I won't feel so uncomfortable hopefully. I may run into one of my former childhood friends that has done a bad, bad thing, and hopefully I'll be able to show some restraint...(if not, you may be reading about me in The Review, bad grammar and all!).
Some things on my radar for the near future are: getting some work done on this house of mine...it's way, way overdue; visiting some more museums, etc. (Barnes, Brandywine River, Rodin, Longwood Gardens, Woodmere...); taking ALOT of pictures (one of my favorite things to do); spending time with my baby sis before she moves to San Diego with her hubby in April; getting a pet-sitter for my Florida road trip with Eric (!); looking for some part-time work (cash-ola preferrably!)...just to name a few.
Anyhoo...gotta run...hope you're not bored yet (I'm certainly not!).
XOXO

4 Days In...

So...I, who never, ever thought I'd write a blog, and was never any good at keeping a diary, have evidently changed my mind. Why? Maybe because I'm somewhat excited about this new phase in my life. That, and my brain doesn't work very well when it comes to retaining memories and details, and something tells me I'm going to want to remember this new adventure. Anyhoo...I said my goodbyes on Friday, November 12, 2010 at Day & Zimmermann, was hit with a wave of extreme sadness, shed 4.5 tears, and pulled myself together in a few minutes. "What am I going to do?" is a question that has been asked of me and I have been asking myself. And you know what? I'm ok with the answer right now, which is "I don't know." I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but for the 1st time in a very long time, I'm ok with that. I can't say the same for some other folks who are concerned about me ('in this economy..."; "you NEED insurance...what if something happens and you have to go the hospital?"; "unemployement will run out, you know"), but giving in to their fears will only put me back on the path that got me here in the first place...working in a job that is not fulfilling and does not pay enough...(although I was grateful to have it and meet the people I did). I graduated from Temple University with a degree in Theatre (my dream...well, that and singing) and took a full time job at a local retail store, Clover. Why? Wanted to please Dad...be responsible...pay bills...plus I was a really screwed up emotionally (although not very aware of that at the time). So this time around? I'm going to take advantage of something I was running short on...TIME. There are 4 billion things I want to do, and now I can start checking things off of that list. I will be poorer (financially) for a while, but most likely richer in spirit (and happiness!).
So what have I done so far? Well, since Monday  (11/15 - 1st day 'off') I've run some errands (with my 14-year old pup, Jack), taken him for a few longer walks, gone to the gym several times, vacuumed and cleaned my car, gave Jack a long-overdue bath, did a TON of wash, had some friends over for pizza (and their wash), had lunch with my great (and great!) aunt Teresa, gone to the dentist, visited a few friends, watched a couple of movies, visited the Art Museum, and...drum roll please...applied for UNEMPLOYMENT! Not too shabby, eh?
Well, surprisingly I think I could keep typing, but you may have already fallen asleep...
More tomorrow...(this is fun!).  Kat  :-)