It's been a long, long time. I think I'm writing this out more for me than anything else. I can't get CJ off my mind. And I just put some leftover 9-Lives & dry food out for Jack to see if he'll eat it. CJ should be eating it. He should still be here. And I can't bring myself to quite accept the fact that he's not. Saying I miss him doesn't seem to adequately capture how I feel. I know, I know...he was a cat. But if you had the pleasure of meeting or spending anytime with him, you'd know that he was the absolute coolest, sweetest, most affectionate, social, and funny-as-hell cat ever.
CJ came into my life early in 2004. I came home from Main Street and he was sitting on my front steps. I bent down, pet him, and told him he was cute...unlocked my door, and in he ran! Little bugger. I put out some tuna and newspaper in a box, and then hung some flyers. No one claimed him (a charmer like that? so hard to believe!). He made himself at home and really took to Jack. He'd even push himself up on his hind legs, place his front paws around Jack's head, and hug him (he'd also clean his ears at times!). And Jack seemed to have no problem with it at all.
CJ was the easiest cat...never sick or destructive. The worse things he would do involved decapitated mice, deceased birds, and his extreme desire to escape every time I opened a door! He eventually became an indoor-outdoor cat (complete with collar & bell), and you could see his joy at being outside. He made friends with everyone he met, even venturing into the church rectory & school (to help, of course) on the corner of my street. When I came home and took Jack for a walk, CJ would find us and walk with us. People couldn't believe their eyes ("is that your cat??" "how did you train him to do that??"). He even hung out at St. Davids with me on a couple of occasions...so frickin' funny.
When Mere & Steph would come over to check on my boys, CJ would turn up his antics even more (CJ didn't allow Mere to write a legible note...not once!).
Most of the time he was so unassuming...coming to me when he wanted to lay on my lap or play with a string, etc. He loved pizza boxes and bags, and worming his way under the blankets and onto my chest or legs to sleep with me. I loved when he would jump up onto the bed and get so close to my head I could listen to his purring. Or just place one paw somewhere on my face...forehead, eye, whatever, as if to say "hey Mom...what's up." He made it acutely obvious that he loved me...alot.
And then there were the times I would pick him up and cradle him-much to his dislike most of the time...he would 'yell' at me and stick one of his paws in my face, as if to say "put me down Mommy...I'm a big boy!" He also like to 'announce' when he went #2 in the litter box ("get rid of it Mommy...it stinks!").
I would grab his face and tell him I loved him...and that when Jack was gone I was going to give him all of the attention he deserved. I'm so pissed I don't have that chance. It's just not fair. It's so final, and there's nothing I can do about it. That makes it very difficult for me. I know there are a ton of things I could think of, like 'be grateful for the time you had with him' and 'you gave him a good home' but truthfully those things don't make me feel alot better right now. I AM grateful for the time I had with him...but I want more. I want my CJ back. WTF.
To the man who so kindly and gently picked my CJ up out of the street, thank you, you are a kind soul. To Mere & Steph who wrapped him in a soft blanky and placed him in a nice basket, and then broke the news to me...I really can't tell you how much it helps that it was you...2 of CJ's most favorite people in the world...that helped me face this tragedy. And to Kieran and Grant, who came down on Christmas Eve and helped me bury my CJ, you personify what family is and should be all about.
Will I get another cat? Maybe. But not now. Another cat just can't compare to CJ...he was one of a kind. He is missed...so damn much.
