Sunday, March 25, 2012

Pure Joy 20 Years Later

I was a couple of years into my discovery of new music and my escape from the pop I was listening to...Mariah Carey, Color Me Badd, Whitney Houston, En Vogue, Madonna, and 80s hair bands. I had been introduced to "alternative" music by a former boyfriend and dove in with all of the passion I had. "So THIS is what good music sounds like!" I thought. Alanis, Pearl Jam, Live, Nirvana, Dada, Poe, Tracy Bonham, Loud Lucy, Stone Temple Pilots, Matthew Sweet, Silverchair, Soundgarden, Black Lab, Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge, Dave Matthews, Collective Soul...I could go on and on and on... And there were the local favs, like Wanderlust, The Caulfields, Isle of Q, The Outcry, The Authority...
And with my new found passion came the weekends filled with live music & bands that covered the music I now adored. One night while watching one of my favorites, Release, I heard a really cool version of Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes. I thought my friends were so clever and creative! Then I came to learn that this was Jeffrey Gaines' version of the song. Jeffrey who? Oh really? He's got a great cd out? Ok...I'll check it out. Well...it was one of 'those' albums that...well...moves you beyond any adequate words to describe the way it makes you feel. Jeff's voice infiltrated my heart, soul & mind. I listened over and over and over and over. Memorized the songs and tried to sing them with the same depth and vocal ability with which Jeff did. You see, when I heard his voice, I felt it in my chest...really felt it...and this inspired me. His songs brought me immeasurable joy. It had a profound effect on me.
So last night when Yolanda and I went to The Tin Angel to watch Jeff celebrate the 20th anniversary of this album's release and perform it in its entirety, I felt myself catapulted into that same place of inspiration, love, and pure, pure joy. His voice, melodies and words still resonate in my chest...and heart. And although the realization that it was 20 years later and I was that much older came uninvited (yeah, I'm that old), I felt myself grinning ear to ear, moved to tears, and full of as much pure joy as I had been when I first heard it. These are life's precious moments for me. Thank you Jeff...

Friday, March 16, 2012

Jack

I am positive that I do not have words adequate enough to describe Jack...thus my hesitation to write about him. I also get choked up and/or cry everytime I think about him, and for those who know me well, you know how much I hate crying. But it's time...
Where do I start? Maybe at the end....after 15 1/2 years of constant companionship, I had to put my baby boy to sleep on Saturday, March 3rd. Did I know the day was coming? Of course...Jack had been sick for well over a year. I took him to my vet (Wissahickon Creek Veterinary Hospital...the best EVER!) in mid-December 2010 and I was told he was in renal failure (kidney failure). We weren't sure he'd make it...so that fact that he held on this long is a miracle.
It's hard to call to mind many specific memories of Jack pre-illness (it's always the most recent ones that take up the most space). Gen & I had recently moved to my current home in Manayunk, and she was anxious for our dog, Trigger (spectacularly awesome and beautiful black lab) to have a playmate. I begrudgingly agreed to take her to the SPCA on Ridge Pike (Trigger came along for the ride), with no intention whatsoever of bringing home another dog. Upon entering the facility and seeing all of the caged dogs & cats, my heart (and resolve) collapsed. I was talking to an older female dog with bad eyes (and getting choked up, of course) when I decided to walk to the other side of the room. It was then that I saw Jack...a teenie little puppy who had been brought in with his siblings. There was no turning back...he was mine. We brought him home that day, and Trigger just about shit himself with excitement when we brought little Jack out to the car!
Jack and Trigger hit it off right away, and were 'brothers' from the start. There was the typical 'bad' behavior but mostly they were loving, sweet, good, and funny as hell. They endured our partying and obnoxious behavior, and Jack even allowed me to put a Halloween costume on him (I'm sure he paid me back in pee or a destroyed particle of clothing shortly thereafter!).
Jack's loyalty was truly exposed when, following the premature death of my beloved Trigger, Jack would wait downstairs in front of a chair for Trigger before going out to pee...he just couldn't believe that Trigger was gone and didn't want to go out without him.
It was just Jack & I for a couple of years, and then I took in Sammie...an older Chesapeake Bay lab. A big goof of a dog, but sweet as hell. Jack didn't complain that my attention had been cut in half. I had also 'inherited' CJ, a cat who one evening ran into my home and never left (COOLEST cat ever...he was killed on December 23rd of last year). As always, he stuck by me and made the best of his situation. The following few years became increasingly 'challenging' for me, and thus for Jack, CJ & Sammie. I get sick to my stomach when I think of how poorly I treated them and how neglectful I was. I thought that Jack was being 'bad' and 'spiteful' but it was me that was to blame...I was pretty sick for a while. And still...he loved me. His tailed wagged everytime I walked into the room. He just wanted my love, affection, and approval.  In July of 2005 Sammie passed away, and in August of 2005 I started to get better. I couldn't believe how much Jack had endured. I didn't deserve him. He was too good for me. I tried my best to make it up to him...to make his life a happy one. I took in another stray kitten in November of 2005, Little One, who became sick and I had to put to sleep in January 2009. Jack still didn't complain of my divided attention (and Little One needed ALOT of attention in his last months). He definitely had separation anxiety, and his 'sitters' endured many of the clean up sessions that followed. Despite that, he was still the sweetest, coolest, and best pup ever. I would often walk him around the neighborhood and up & down Main Street, where shop & restaurant owners would greet him before greeting me! He was the mayor of Manayunk! He got along with everyone...humans and dogs alike and was never aggressive (except if he saw a squirrel...then he'd hydroplane to get to it)...the only time he ever barked was when someone knocked at my door (good guard dog). He slept in my bed almost until the end (and would often stay in bed even when I got up!).
The last year + of his life was full of vet visits, a special diet, prescriptions, sub Q fluids (he hated needles as much as his mommy, but took it like a champ), limited mobility, eyesite & walks, and an increasing level of pain, I'm sure. He even 'got out' (more like someone let him out) on February 2nd and was missing for 24 hours! Thanks to the best friends and neighbors ever, I found him the next day in a shelter (he really liked to keep me on my toes!) Still...he never complained...never acted out...remained the bravest, bestest and sweetest little angel ever.
So when I saw how tired he looked on Saturday, March 3rd, I knew it was time to let him go. I didn't want to, but I had been selfish long enough. I had no idea how difficult living without him would be. People tell me that I was a good mom and he was lucky to have me...but I was the lucky one.
Jack, Jackers, Jack Michael...your mommy misses you so very, very much...I love you always my little baby.