Happy New Year!

Just got back from Brian (my cousin) and Steph's (Kieran's friend) wedding. Honestly? Wasn't really looking forward to it, but I had a great time! I even danced (poorly) - and it was fun! And I didn't suck singing...got some really nice compliments. I'm glad to be home though. Sitting here with Jack watching "200 Cigarettes" - such a great movie! My cousin Brian is a Zehren, and one of 10 kids! I grew up with his siblings (they lived on the other Hill Road) and a few of them babysat me and Tree & Rich. One of my fondest memories is when Celeste used to drink a whole bottle (the glass ones) of Coke and then continuously burp a sentence or a few, or the alphabet. So cool! I haven't seen most of the Zehrens in years and I forgot what a great bunch of people they are.
I'm poopie tired now...off to bed soon...Happy New Year peeps!

Movies!

I've seen some excellent ones this past week. Tonight-True Grit, yesterday-The King's Speech...and there was The Fighter and Reds as well. I love going to the movies...it's a little escape for me (and heathier than what I was accustomed to in years past!). Tomorrow is New Year's Eve...don't have much planned except hangin' with Andy for a bit and the Steph & Brian's wedding. Hopefully no craziness...or crazies (this one's enough for now!). I got up today before 9am...miracle! So it was a good day to start and I got a bunch done. Met with Debi (which is always great) and ran a bunch of errands. How am I gonna fit all my stuff in when I have to go back to work?
Well, here's hoping I get up at a decent hour tomorrow...and a wonderful 2011!

"Meh"

I borrowed that from Andy...that's how I feel about writing right now. But it's been a couple of days and I really want to see this through. Yesterday was ok. Did some shovelling (although someone was kind enough to shovel my sidewalk!), went to the gym, and I don't remember what else before hanging out with a friend, going to Saxby's and then my Monday night gig. That was good...got to see 'my peeps' which is always good for me, and we got a big project completed.
So I've been taking something that's supposed to help with my anxiety and getting out of bed, but so far no damn luck. It's only been a week or so and I know I have to be patient, but not giving a shit about getting out of bed and then not giving a shit once I'm up is really not like me. Because I give a shit...or at least I think I do...
Once I got going it got better...it's been a very productive day. Went to the gym and then met the organist and practiced for this wedding on NYE. Went to Petsmart and bought Jack some diapers (poor guy), then went to Shoprite and bought Jack some food for this new diet he's on...jeez...he's gonna eat better than me! I also bought some low-carb stuff...I have to get rid of my 'inner tube'!
I've been doing, doing, doing since I got home...checking things off my 'to do' list. It feels good. But it makes me wonder how people with spouses and kids do it! Adult life is alot of work, man.
Tomorrow I'm going to see The King's Speech with a friend...something to look forward to!

Awesome "Mix Tape"

I'm listening to the CD my brother made for me for Christmas. He had me for polyanna and had already fulfilled the spending limit on my Loft gift card, so the complilation CD was unnecessary, but by far one of my FAVORITE gifts!  Right now it's playing Bon Iver's "re: Stacks" - an unbelievably beautiful song.
Christmas and other family gatherings sometimes make me feel 'less than' and I leave feeling like a bit of 'the loser' of the family. I know it's not true, but old habits...
Same was true for yesterday, although I am extremely grateful for all I have and my wonderful family, but without getting into too much detail, I think most of you may understand the feeling. So the fact that my brother, Rich went to the trouble to pick out songs specifically for me makes me feel special, and loved, and I'm really moved...because my brother holds a very special place in my heart...he's pretty awesome (and one of the funniest people I know...case in point - he wrote "Merry Xmas...You're Ugly" on the cover).
Christmas was pretty great this year. I was able to bring a friend with me (she survived a Lambert family gathering!). We all got to spend time together and eat yummy food and exchange gifts and laugh alot.
Not many people get to experience that, so I will always be grateful. Especially knowing how difficult this Christmas was for one of my dearest and closest friends, who's father passed away yesterday after battling cancer. I didn't get the news until after I got home, and I am so devastated for her and her family. We really do need to appreciate what we have, because things can change in an instant.
I went to see The Fighter today with some friends...fantastic movie. It's been snowing since about 2pm and it's coming down like a %!#&!  Kinda cool, but it will be a p.i.a. very soon.
I practiced some more one of the songs I'm singing Friday at a friend's wedding...Ella Fitzgerald...tall order, eh?
Keep warm and dry!

The Little Things...

I just got home from my brother-in-law's parents' Christmas Eve party...and what a feast we had! I'm still stuffed. It was quite a spread. Alot different from the 'snack' I had mid-afternoon. Bread with margarine and sugar. Strange combo you might think, but as a child growing up in Roxborough, this was something my mother would make for us kids. White bread with margarine spread on it and sugar sprinkled on top. For some reason I had a craving for it. Not too long ago I was very grateful that my mom used to give this to us. I was serving the last of my 90-day sentence (45 weekends) for my 2nd DUI from August 2005, and 6 of my last 9 weekends were in 'lock' at RCF (Riverside Correction Facility) up on State Road. They came complete with shackles, orange jumpsuits, and the entire stay locked in a cell. Four things got me through these horrific weekends: 1) knowing that my Creator would get me through, 2) my cellmate Yvonne, 3) reading, and 4) whitebread with butter and sugar. You see, the food was inedible...not that I had much of an appetite (my stomach was in knots pretty much the whole time). But with every 'meal' they would include bread, butter and with the 'coffee' they would include a couple of sugar packets. If it weren't for my mom and her innovative snacks, I probably wouldn't have been able to eat anything all weekend. So tonight, 2 1/2 years after completing my sentence, and 5+ years into my 'new' life, I am profoundly grateful for the little things as well as the big and wonderful blessings in my life.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year my friends...

"With our Careless Memories..."

A bit of fun stuff today...
Some of you may not know that, when I was a very young girl (about 7th grade), I became totally and completely obsessed with 2 things: The Outsiders and Duran Duran. My 12 year old niece, Caeli is now obsessed with S.E. Hinton (author of The Outsiders plus a bunch more), and more specifically, Matt Dillon! HA!
I had pages from the teen mags and posters of both obsessions on my bedroom walls...barely an inch of wallpaper was visable amongst the pix of C. Thomas Howell (Ponyboy!) and John Taylor (bassist for DD). I fantasized about the day when John Taylor and I would meet (and fall in love, of course). I would be the happiest girl in the world! I started listening for the bass lines in each and every DD song because my future husband played it. To this day, I hum along to the bass lines of their songs. The first time I saw them in concert (The Spectrum) I just couldn't believe that I was in the SAME BUILDING as my boys! I could barely stand it! I vaguely remember the show (I think I was in shock, fo real!), but I do remember that when they were getting ready to come out I heard what was probably Nick Rhodes' keyboards or Andy Taylor's guitar and then the curtain shook. I...nearly...fainted. My knees went weak and started buckling. They were like gods to me.
I eventually outgrew my obsession...there was the end of highschool, a boyfriend, college, another boyfriend, grunge, more boyfriends, and so on. However, I always cited DD as my 'all-time favorite band.' So today, I really get a kick out of the fact that John Taylor is on Facebook and has been posting alot of stuff (DD just released their 13th album...yes, I'm getting it) and it's getting pretty good reviews. I have, so far, refrained from posting anything on his wall or commenting or 'liking' any of his posts, but it makes me chuckle to think of the little 12 year old girl back in 1981/1982 and how she would have reacted faced with the possibility of 'chatting' with her dream-man online! And yes, I know what you're thinking...it's probably not really JT, but some paid assistant, right?
A girl can dream, can't she?  :-)

Grump...

That's what I was today...for no apparant reason. Went to the gym and doing some productive 'stuff' here, AND Jack withstood his sub q treatment very well today - so I feel better. Yesterday was a fantastic day (even more reason to be happy today, so what the hell?). A friend came over and started the RENOVATION upstairs!! I can't believe how much he got done in 2 hours!! Went to see the doc about my getting-out-of-bed issue yesterday as well...what a nice man. I'm gonna try this little pill for a spell to see if it does the trick. Also had some nice visits with half of my family and then went to visit Krysta and Shawn and Sofia Marie in the hospital. Boy, she's ADORABLE! So much hair too!
So...I'm going back to work on January 10th on a temporary basis for the company I left in November. I figure it will bring in a bit more money and when I start collecting UC again it will be SPRING!
Oh, watched The Town last night...great movie...check it out.
Going to eat now before I waste away to nothing (ha!)...  :-)

Baby's Here!

My friends Krysta and Shawn welcomed the arrival of their daughter, Sofia Marie today. I'm so damn excited for both of them and can't wait to meet her!
Doctors appointment tomorrow to discuss this issue of getting out of bed. Anxiety? Depression? Who knows, but I can't keep putting up with it. Going to visit with my great nephew, JT (John Thomas) tomorrow before he goes back home to NJ. He is my niece, Mandy's first born and is a total and absolute trip! I got to visit with him yesterday for a while ("Kat, do you have my presents?"). And yes, I did. Dinosaurs...he likes 'em! Took him, Caeli, Christiane, and Li'l Roy to Main Street...Saxbys for hot chocolate and then Spectrum Scientifics. Got them all something small. JT wanted this balancing bird. At the register, he came out with "Kat, can you hold my bird?" - see??? A trip! He's got an insane memory too...remembers my dog, Jack amongst other things you would think a 4 year-old would never remember.
His mom is back in a program in Rhode Island and I really hope the 2 of them are reunited soon. Mandy also has another son, Jayden who is about 19 months old. He lives with his dad and grandparents in Somers Point, NJ. He is absolutely adorable. Got to see him and his dad Jason in September...such a nice treat.
I may go back to work on a temporary assignment starting in January. Two to three months, tops. I'll be bringing in a bit more money than UC, which is good b/c I'll need to pay for Jack's special kidney diet and his meds. I gave him another 'sub q' treament yesterday and he didn't seem to enjoy this one...he yelped when I stuck the needle in and whined for a few seconds. Broke...my...heart...
I spoke with the vet today, Dr. Lowenstein from Wissahickon Creek (the BEST vet ever...I just love them). He's encouraged and thinks I can try giving Jack his treaments every 3 days and then maybe less than that, depending on how he does.
Jeez, for someone who is unemployed, I have a TON to do and my days get so full! So where am I a month and a half into my new journey? Not sure...I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Andy and I have started working on some music which is great, and I'd love to sing for a living, but things just seem so all over the place right now. I guess I'm a bit lost, but I'm also happy and grateful for my friends and family who continue to support and love me (and put up with me).

So Much...

...I've been away from my computer for a few days, so I have SO much to catch up! So...turns out Jack is having kidneys problems. When I called the vet Tuesday for his results, he said Jack was in chronic renal failure. Knocked the wind clear out of me. Had to drop him off to hospitalize him overnight. Bad timing with my trip to VA, but I have some of the most amazing friends...they really stepped in to help! Jack was hooked up to an IV (had to get the 'cone of shame' put on because he chewed through 2 lines!). He's now on a couple of meds and I even had to learn to administer the 'sub q' treatments (basically I have to shove a big needle under his skin so he can get some much-needed fluids). I lost sleep worrying about it...I'm terrified of needles myself so this was pretty scary for me. I asked God to guide my hands so that I wouldn't hurt him. I made it through today (and so did Jack) pretty well...thank God! So this is probably something I'll have to do for the rest of his life (and a special kidney diet). My poor little man...I love him so much and I hope he sticks around for a while longer.
I had a fantastic trip visiting my sister and Grant in VA. The drive down was pretty painless but for a short distance close to Woodbridge. Hung out eating a fantastic meal made by Kieran (she really is a fantastic cook!) and met their neighbors Linda and Bob. Wednesday was "Warrior Day" on the base, and I have to say it was an awesome experience for me. We got to tour the base and see some of the things that go on. Watched a helicopter landing and were able to get on it; studied the guns/weapons; saw the tanks/vehicles and also got to watch a martial arts presentation. It was COLD, which made me appreciate the physical challenges these marines must endure during their training. Also got to eat in the chow hall (and saw so many more marines...yes, I was like a kid in a candy store!). Also saw the wall dedicated to some of the recent marines who graduated and who have lost their lives in service to our country. It was such a humbling experience. I have always had the utmost respect for those who serve our country, but I left there with a much deeper respect and reverence for these men and women and all of the sacrifices they make for us.
Toured the Marine Corps Museum Thursday before lunch (at Globe: Laurel, a famous restaurant that caters to the marine community and is like a museum in its own right) with the graduate and family.
The drive home Thursday was horrific! Did about 15 mph on 95 for about 4 hours! Left at 2pm and made it home just before 9pm. Boy...was I glad to see Jack and CJ!
While I was gone I was also humbled and greatly touched by the kindess of my friends who took such great care of my boys. Mere and Steph picked Jack up from WCVH Wednesday night and took care of him Thursday morning before they had to leave for work. They had to deal with giving meds, feeding, cleaning up a TON of pee, and who knows what else. Saints they are...I don't know what I'd do without them! Erin came down a few times to check on the boys, and Andy came down as well to give them some company.
I'm amazed at how willing my friends are to help and am SO so blessed to have such selfless people in my life. I'm also extremely blessed to have an amazing family whose support is abundant and never ending.

Back to the vet yesterday and today (for more bloodwork) and caught up on a few things (wash was a big one...Jack peed on everything!). Had a great meal (breakfast!) tonight at Bob's Diner with Erin & Krysta...a 'last meal' of sorts for Krysta, who will be getting induced this time tomorrow!
As I'm typing this, I'm looking at my precious, 14 year-old baby Jack sleeping on his freshly washed pillow, and feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love. Night night peeps....

GREAT friends...

...I have them...I'm so happy to have these peeps in my life! The weekend...let's see: funeral service for a friend's husband yesterday morning - it was a very nice service; gym; rest; did some 'homework' upstairs...starting my fixing-up; then picked up a couple of friends from 30th street and had a lovely dinner at a Vietnamese restaurant. Started today by speaking at Interim House with a friend; more 'homework'; gym; and then another wonderful meal at Eric's with some pretty awesome people. It's amazing how much fun can be had when you're not stuck in a bar somewhere!
Jack (my 14 year old dog/baby) is not feeling very well and I'm pretty worried about him. Gonna have to call the vet tomorrow and pray that he'll come out of it. I've had Jack since he was a baby...rescued him from the SPCA and he's been such a huge part of my life for so long.
Tomorrow's gonna be a busy day, and I have to get ready for my trip to Woodbridge, VA for my brother-in-law's graduation from TBS. Fingers crossed that all goes well tomorrow...

2nd Floor

So, what started off as a rough day ended up being a stellar one. Was expecting a friend to come over at noon to give me some advice on my 2nd floor. We wound up going to a noon meeting (much, much needed) and then he came over and really helped me ALOT with advice and where to start. I've been putting my 2nd floor off for 5+ years...mainly due to the overwhelming feeling it gives me to even start. So I have a realistic gameplan now, help, and much more hope.
Then I 'kidnapped' a friend to run a few errands and we had some good laughs! To top off the day, my home-helper and his wife and I went out for his birthday...sushi (1st time for me!). I think I'll have to work on my acquired taste for it, and I learned not to put a blob of wasabi on my tongue! Then we went to see "Red" - great film! I also got to see my fab friend Debi when I got home...what a treat!
Progress...

Things That Go 'BUMP' In The Night...

...it was more like BOOM! That's how my day started...at 4am! I was jarred awake by a horrifically loud boom and my house shook! I was scared to death! I thought that it was the end of me at first, and then I went to investigate, and a million and a half versions of what the noise could have been went through my mind. I felt SO alone and thought I may be losing my mind. It happened again at 5am, accompanied by a blast of light. Repeat insane thinking. And then again at 7 or 7:30am, but a series of booms this time. My friend Mere was going through the same thing (I wish I knew she was awake!), as I discovered when I saw her missed call at 7:28am and missed text at 5am. From now on, the phone will be in my room, damn it! We thought it was our crazy neighbor's crazy son, but after call to the 5th district, an angry knock on said neighbor's door, and a visit to St. Lucy's rectory, I was informed that it was the church's transformer that was exploding all frickin' night! PECO is still outside...if this goes blank then you know that they snipped the wrong wire!
Other than that insanity, had a mildly productive day. Helped Tricia move some more stuff into her new home and hung out with her and Randi (and the dogs) for a few. No gym, but I'll make up for it tomorrow. Took some stuff to the new consignment shop on Main Street. Wonder if I'll be seeing anyone walking the streets in Kat's clothes!
Hopefully sleep will be more peaceful (and less frightening) tonight...

Ah...

...relaxing after a pretty darn good day. So...I actually COOKED tonight...for me and Krysta. And it was GOOD! Angel hair pasta in alfredo and cooked broccoli & cauliflower. Yum yum yum. Then hung out at Saxbys for a bit (with Jack) while the baby's wash was drying. Gotta get her clothes ready for her homecoming!
Great workout at the gym earlier, errands (am I always running errands or what?) and then practiced some music with Andy. He learned Tracy Bonham's 'Second Wind' pretty quickly!
Busy day tomorrow, so I'm gonna try to get some rest tonight. Nite nite...

White Christmas

Just got back from seeing White Christmas at the Walnut Street Theatre with mom...great production! And my mom is such good company. This morning I met my friend Sandy and her sister in law and niece at IHM to go over the memorial service for her husband this Saturday. I continue to be amazed at her strength and faith...and how much love and gentleness she has in her heart. A beautiful spirit...
Then I headed to Media to meet with a couple of guys from a consulting firm about a potential administrator position. Not sure about it but I'm trying to keep an open mind. Had lunch with mom and dad and then did some work/organizing stuff at home.
Johnny Depp just described his experience dog-sitting on the David Letterman show...hilarious!
Off to bed soon...

So True...

...my friend Nadina said that I have the kind of parents everyone wishes they had...this is true...they are incredible. I continue to be humbled by their understanding and kindness and love. I had an emotional but good talk with my dad earlier and he's just such a wonderful man...and it still makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world when he tells me he loves me. I know he means it....he's not a man to just say that (or anything) because it's polite.
Got a bunch of stuff done today despite an awful morning in bed. I took Jack with me for the ride and I think he enjoyed himself!
Ended the day seeing some fabulous folks...including my friend Debi (whose birthday it is today!). I love 'my' Mondays...some of the best people in the world gathered in one room...I truly am blessed.

I Really Needed That!

Last night's meeting was enlightening and emotional (seeing Sandy & Rich there...so strong) and hanging out with Andy was loads of fun and way overdue. Good Times!
This morning? Not so fun...really struggled. But then I headed over to visit with Nadina and Colin (and got a fabulous massage and meal!) and then went over to visit with Daisy (another fabulous meal and cookies!). Two really, really incredible women and friends. It was like a day of friend-therapy for me, and I really needed it. Got some much needed advice about my depression and how to work on my house. I'm feeling so much better and more inspired to action. I just really hope that this momentum doesn't go away...

Things Are Looking Up...

My mood seems to be improving...and hope this is a lasting trend. I had the opportunity to see Amos Lee with my friend Emily at World Cafe Live yesterday. Holy mother of God...what an AMAZING show! I've been a fan of his for several years now and he does not disappoint live. I then jetted over to the Art Museum for a couple of hours and checked out Thomas Eakins' The Gross Clinic exhibit at the Pearlman bldg as well...fascinating. Met up with some friends and welcomed a good friend home...a good end to a good day. I took my phone to bed with me in the hopes that I would be woken up (thus increasing my chances of getting my ass out of bed!)...thanks Luke & Eric...much appreciated! Debi & I grabbed some coffee and shopping and much needed catching up...she's frickin' awesome, man. Everyone should have a friend like her in their lives...
Then had a rather productive afternoon messing around in the basement...and...drumroll please...putting up my Christmas decorations!! My little house looks so festive now! I love it! And it smells like cinnamon & sugar cookies! It's nice for me, because a few years ago I HATED how I felt leading up to Christmas.
I have to run and get ready...picking up a friend and headed to a meeting...chat with you soon!

Ooopsss...

...I haven't written since Monday, and I think my days may be blurring together! Maybe this is partly the reason I always had trouble keeping a diary...the consistency. Do I feel like writing right now? No...but I want to try to stick with it. I just got back from dinner at Derek's with 2 awesome and hilarious friends.  My face hurts from laughing! Hhhmmm...what can I remember about the past few days? Gym, KOP mall, Couch Tomato, dog-walking, meeting in Haverford, hanging out on South Street and catching up with a friend (who now lives in Houston) - THAT was fun, helping Tricia pack with Randi and eating cheesesteaks - also fun & lots of laughs, and...well, I can't think of much more. All good stuff, eh? Productive? Not really...but at least I'm not sitting at home watching the boobtube all day, right? I think I've gotten a large chunk of my Christmas shopping done, which is a relief since my cash flow will be diminished on unemployment! I really need to find something to do (preferably u.t.t.) to add to my funds. I think I'll check out Craigslist. I think this is going to be a really good Christmas season...my friend Krysta and her bf Shawn are expecting their 1st child...a little girl; my brother in law, Grant is graduating from TBS (Marine Corp) and their gearing up for their move to San Diego (hopefully I'll be able to visit them VERY soon!); my friend Dom is turning 40 (ha!); and family time on Christmas is always a hoot! Lots of stuff to look forward to...and I'm still so grateful...

"Comin' Up On Your Left!!!"

...that's what scared the crap out of me and Jack as we were walking along Kelly Drive. Damn...some of those bikers are pretty aggressive! Struggled this morning...not only with getting out of bed (awake for a couple of hours, but just tossed and turned) but also with some depression & anxiety. But that soon propelled me into action...did some wash, bled my radiators, helped mom get 4,000 boxes of Christmas decorations out of the shed, worked out (hard) at the gym, and then walked along the drive. I had a really good talk with a friend tonight about my situation. I need 'my peeps' to talk to, because left to myself and the shit that goes on in my head, I'm a mess. Sometimes it feels like my thoughts are like a bunch of ping pong balls going back and forth up there...so it really helps to have people I trust give me advice. It also helps when I remember that it wasn't too long ago that I was sitting in a jail cell, jobless, car-less, hopeless. Remembering that and the bit of progress I've made helps me to be grateful, for there is so very much I have to be grateful for today.

Old Friends, New Friends...

My weekend is certainly ending MUCH better than it began (other than my fantastic time with Kieran and Grant Friday in the Yunk). Didn't do too much yesterday...longer and harder workout at gym (ouchie today), a bit of shopping and Lambert family time with my friend Krysta, and then watched a blah movie. Today was great though...I went to my friend Kevin's home in DE to celebrate his daughter Shay's 2nd birthday with some old friends. LOTS of kids were there, and a few mom's are expecting as well. I think I was one of perhaps three single and baby-less people there. It was so nice to be there though, and to be counted as a friend among so many fantastic people. It's also nice to know that I have such wonderful people in my life after about 15 years of friendship...these are really good people with great families and adorable kids. Then I picked Jack up and we hung out at Eric's place to watch the Eagles game; I met some new friends (including Chase the boxer!) and really enjoyed my time there.
I need to start thinking about my plan for the weeks/months ahead...but I'll need some coffee...ALOT of coffee first...

Life Challenges, Man...

I got a letter from my niece letting me know that, once again, she's 'left' the program she was in. I cannot express out angry and heartbroken I am. Thank God I've got a program and amazing people to help me deal. I really let her have it (once I tracked her down)...probably should've talked to someone before calling her, but it's too late now. I told her I loved her, but she was gonna hear it...maybe something actually sunk in though, but who the hell knows with that kid!
Otherwise, life is good. Thanksgiving was so, so, so much fun! I really enjoy spending time with my family! Have you ever played Catch Phrase? It's hilarious, just hilarious! Really brings out the competitive side of us all!
Got some cleaning and shopping done today...and spent some real quality time with my sister and her hubby in Manayunk. These are the moments that I truly cherish...the time spent with the people I love. I have to remember that every day is a gift...and that life can change in an instant. I'd much rather spend my time in the presence of my family and friends than anything else...
What can I say...I'm just a big mush-pot...

Scaredy Kat...

Howdy. Sitting here digesting my lunch before I attempt to bake cookies. I stopped by my parents' after the gym/supermarket (again!) and got a little emotional while we were talking about my current situation. I get upset thinking about all of the years I 'wasted' when I graduated from Temple...because I took a full time job at Clover (a discount retailer). That was the easy choice and I was pretty lost those days (post Bob, no confidence, etc.). Anyhoo...my mom mentioned that I was afraid 'of everything' when I was younger. I don't remember this, but evidently I had the opportunity to go to Europe in high school but refused.  I do, however, remember choosing Temple (over 6 other schools to which I had also been accepted and 3 scholarship offers) because it was the least expensive and easiest/closet option. Fear...it's a bitch. Unrecognized and unchallenged, it will wreak havoc on our lives...it certainly has with mine. Fear informs so many decisions. So for this phase of my life, I do not want to let fear have any say in what I do. 
I still don't know what I'm going to do, but for now, I'm not afraid...because I know I'll be ok.
Question is...can I bake??  :-)

Free Turkey??!!

You'd think I won the lottery when the cashier at Shoprite said "you're eligible for a free turkey." Wide-eyed and with a huge smile, I looked around saying "free turkey? FREE TURKEY?" - like I'd know how to cook it anyway...LOL! I actually have a few choices so we're safe!
Had some big trouble getting my ass out of bed this am...I think I have morning depression or something. It's not like I'm tired (sore, maybe, but not tired), but dragging myself out of bed is a real challenge. And then I get mad at myself. How the heck can I break this cycle?? I'll just have to keep asking HP to help me with it. Once I was up and going it was a pretty good/productive day. Good conversation with a great friend, gym, supermarket, dentist, picked up prescriptions (before insurance runs out), picked up a movie too...then took Jack for another long walk and had a bite with Eric...good times. Put a bunch of clothes away and now I'm doing wash...I think I'm making up for my morning lazyness!
Watched "The Road" last night...very dark film but well acted. Tonight will be a lighter themed viewing!
Have alot to do tomorrow so I'm hoping that will motivate me to get up earlier. I'm really looking forward to spending time with my family on Thursday (although my brother and his family won't be there...boo). I hope y'all have nice plans for Thanksgiving...and that we all remember how much we have to be grateful for.
:-)

Catch Up...

I really have to get used to keeping up with this...gonna have to get myself into the habit of writing faithfully, mostly for myself so that I can track my progress (if any) throughout this new phase. I'm bummed I didn't get to check out Scot Sax at The Grape Room Saturday night, but I ran out of steam, man. What the...? I'm not old (at least I don't think I am!). Anyway, Sunday was nicer than I thought it would be (bridal shower...almost 4 hours...was really not  looking foward to it...hate those things...won't subject my friends or family to one if I EVER get married...). However, I was sitting with Kieran, Mom, and the 'friends' and we laughed our asses off! They are really, really funny and great girls. Hung with a new friend afterwards for a while...we're really hitting it off and I much enjoy her company. Didn't do much else...went into hybernation mode. I really dislike the cold/early dark days...it will be a challenge for me to stay cheery and productive, but life is about overcoming challenges, right?
It's my 2nd 'unemployed' Monday, and I'm still feeling pretty flippin' excited about it. Hung out with Mom & Kieran at the outlets (off of 422) for a few hours and even managed to find 3 stylin' pairs of shoes for under $40 (I've got the shopping/deal-finding gene from Terri!). Don't worry folks, I bought a Christmas present as well. Got to see Dad before we went, which was a really nice surprise.
I've been thinking about the conversation I'm going to have to have with him about where I'm at and why I'm not scrambling to find another job right away. I'm worried because I love him and respect him so, so much and I don't want him to be disappointed in me (I've managed enough of that throughout my lifetime). But I really want to stick to my guns this time and follow my gut/heart.
I have a couple of very dear friends that are going through tough times, so I hope that this free time will allow me to really be there for them...I don't like when my friends hurt...it hurts my heart.
Ok, off to St. Johns...chat with you soon.  :-)  Kat

Good Times...

Erin didn't realize that I'm a singer...and she asked if that may possibly be in my future as I'm looking for my 'career change.' Hhhmmm...wouldn't that be a dream come true! Stayed in bed late today (shocker) but then made the most out of it...coffee and a walk with Greg (and Jack); attended my nephew Owen's last soccer game (and witnessed his amazing save during his stint as goalie!); went to a great meeting in the city and ate some rockin' food...and laughed my a$$ of with friends! Was gonna catch a gig at The Grape Room afterwards, but decided I'd had a full enough day, so I'm chillin' at home now in my pjs (yay!) watching "It's Always Sunny..." - what a fab show. Gonna go to bed a very happy, grateful little girl...

TGIF!

So...I have a problem...and that's getting my a$$ out of bed. This has been an issue for a while, but when I was working I kinda HAD to get up...and hated it. It wasn't necessarily that I hadn't gotten enough sleep...it was just putting my 2 feet on the ground and moving foward. I do have some back and neck issues which have contributed to this problem as well. So with THAT said, I didn't get up until about 9:15 (late for having gone to bed at 11-ish!). Once I got up the day began to improve...coffee and a good conversation with a dear, dear friend; got some work loose-ends taken care of; took Jack for another long walk; ran a few errands; went to the gym, etc.
And now that I'm clean, I'm going to spend a bit of time with some of my closest friends before heading to a local joint to check out my friend Ken's band, Doc Hollywood. My friend Susan is joining me (and she knows about me and my friend Bill), so I won't feel so uncomfortable hopefully. I may run into one of my former childhood friends that has done a bad, bad thing, and hopefully I'll be able to show some restraint...(if not, you may be reading about me in The Review, bad grammar and all!).
Some things on my radar for the near future are: getting some work done on this house of mine...it's way, way overdue; visiting some more museums, etc. (Barnes, Brandywine River, Rodin, Longwood Gardens, Woodmere...); taking ALOT of pictures (one of my favorite things to do); spending time with my baby sis before she moves to San Diego with her hubby in April; getting a pet-sitter for my Florida road trip with Eric (!); looking for some part-time work (cash-ola preferrably!)...just to name a few.
Anyhoo...gotta run...hope you're not bored yet (I'm certainly not!).
XOXO

4 Days In...

So...I, who never, ever thought I'd write a blog, and was never any good at keeping a diary, have evidently changed my mind. Why? Maybe because I'm somewhat excited about this new phase in my life. That, and my brain doesn't work very well when it comes to retaining memories and details, and something tells me I'm going to want to remember this new adventure. Anyhoo...I said my goodbyes on Friday, November 12, 2010 at Day & Zimmermann, was hit with a wave of extreme sadness, shed 4.5 tears, and pulled myself together in a few minutes. "What am I going to do?" is a question that has been asked of me and I have been asking myself. And you know what? I'm ok with the answer right now, which is "I don't know." I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but for the 1st time in a very long time, I'm ok with that. I can't say the same for some other folks who are concerned about me ('in this economy..."; "you NEED insurance...what if something happens and you have to go the hospital?"; "unemployement will run out, you know"), but giving in to their fears will only put me back on the path that got me here in the first place...working in a job that is not fulfilling and does not pay enough...(although I was grateful to have it and meet the people I did). I graduated from Temple University with a degree in Theatre (my dream...well, that and singing) and took a full time job at a local retail store, Clover. Why? Wanted to please Dad...be responsible...pay bills...plus I was a really screwed up emotionally (although not very aware of that at the time). So this time around? I'm going to take advantage of something I was running short on...TIME. There are 4 billion things I want to do, and now I can start checking things off of that list. I will be poorer (financially) for a while, but most likely richer in spirit (and happiness!).
So what have I done so far? Well, since Monday  (11/15 - 1st day 'off') I've run some errands (with my 14-year old pup, Jack), taken him for a few longer walks, gone to the gym several times, vacuumed and cleaned my car, gave Jack a long-overdue bath, did a TON of wash, had some friends over for pizza (and their wash), had lunch with my great (and great!) aunt Teresa, gone to the dentist, visited a few friends, watched a couple of movies, visited the Art Museum, and...drum roll please...applied for UNEMPLOYMENT! Not too shabby, eh?
Well, surprisingly I think I could keep typing, but you may have already fallen asleep...
More tomorrow...(this is fun!).  Kat  :-)